Please forgive yourself.
Because we are exhausted, and no one does their best work without rest. Through the pandemic, I realized how much I defined my worth in letter form, and as I found other ways to define myself, I procrastinated less and found it easier to complete work and start tasks because I knew they did not have to be perfect. No paradigm shift like this is ever easy, and I have been working to change my relationship with achievement for a few years now after I realized I could no longer rely on it.
I know I am incredibly privileged to have a space to rest and find help, experimenting with the possibility of failure. I know many people who fill their classes up with APs, willing to do anything to make college affordable. But as much as you are able, try not to force yourself.
I have been writing this on and off, feeling so swamped by schoolwork that I have little time for creative pursuits. I love writing and wish I had more time and energy for it. I understand everyone has certain responsibilities in life, yet it is exhilarating to imagine a world in which young people all have the privilege to have their passions encouraged and to truly explore life before they get tethered down by “important things.”
But maybe we can try to put more importance on what we genuinely enjoy, in order to save ourselves. The mental health crisis among our generation is an epidemic, and the symptoms spread easily.
Go to bed with unfinished homework. Go home after lunch with a cold. Wake up too early and too late and change your routines. Study with friends. The goal is not to ditch school or higher education, but not to feel trapped by the expectations put upon us.
I feel sluggish all the time. This is not completely the fault of the school system, but I wish I did not have to decide between sleep and academic achievement. I get lost in the limbo for hours, scrolling, because I do not want to admit to myself I just want to rest. I fall in between working too hard and not enough.
But I don’t have to be on the extremes. I don’t have to commit fully, and I shouldn’t, because I’m not sure which path to take, and I shouldn’t have to decide yet.
Again, forgive yourself for not doing as much as you “could have”, or feeling inadequate, or trying hard and not succeeding even with new pastel highlighters and attractive stationery.