Note: This article is based off of a conversation we had in Psychology Club the other day. If you’re curious to learn more about topics like this, check out the club! Google Classroom code is tfzgfxn.

The 2020 pandemic brought an online movement promoting “self-care”. This was timely for a number of reasons. People obviously wanted to make sure they were boosting their bodies as much as possible in order to avoid catching the virus. Additionally, adopting healthy habits like meditation or going on walks helped to mitigate the mental health effects of being in quarantine. Fitness, wellness, and self-care activists gained significant followings online during this time period, in part due to people spending more time on the internet as a way to stay connected during lockdown. 

Now, as someone who highly values living a healthy lifestyle, I am certainly not here to denounce this movement or claim that you should stop pursuing your personal wellness. In fact, I believe that this increased awareness of self-care, particularly for mental health, is one of the best by-products of quarantine. However, as a consequence of the pandemic’s isolating nature, people have been trained to look inward rather than outward when it comes to wellness and happiness. In reality, the best way to increase one’s happiness is through a combination of self-care and caring for others. 

I’m sure you’ve heard all the inspirational quotes about how the fastest way to make yourself happy is to make someone else happy. What you might not know is that this reasoning has extensive scientific backing. Humans were made to be in relationships with each other. It’s the reason why our bodies release serotonin* when we laugh and oxytocin* when we come into physical contact with people. One of the largest studies out of Harvard is called the Study of Adult Development, which has followed the lives of a group of 268 men for over 75 years. The results of the study revealed that the #1 indicator for the men’s happiness was not their IQ, or their enjoyment of their jobs, or their social class, or their income, but the number of quality social relationships they had. Medical records from the men also noted that having a stable marriage and social support system were just as important as physical activity and body weight in predicting someone’s lifespan. Robert Waldinger, the director of the study, summed it up by saying, “Taking care of your body is important, but tending to your relationships is a form of self-care too. That, I think, is the revelation.”

So, how can you start practicing others-care? Thankfully, it’s not as daunting as it may seem. Studies out of UCLA and UC Berkeley have indicated that humans tend to underestimate the impact of kind acts. In this Thanksgiving season, it can be easy to think that we need to pull together some grand performance to demonstrate our gratitude to the people we love. However, small gestures can be just as effective at showing our appreciation of others. Giving someone a friendly greeting, helping them with a task, writing them a thank you note, sending them a quick text- all of these acts have a huge impact. The researchers in these studies pointed out that often, what makes recipients of kindness happy is not the physical help or gift that they are receiving, but the knowledge that someone went out of their way to bless them. 

These researchers also suggested an exercise to help focus yourself on spending time with others. Take a few minutes and reflect on how you spend your time each day. List each of your typical activities, roughly estimating how much time you spend on each one. Then, make another list of the things that make you happy- spending time with certain people, pursuing different interests or hobbies, etc. Now, take your lists and compare them. Do the two lists align? Are you commiting time to what makes you happy? Of course, there are obviously things like work and school that are obligatory but may not necessarily be fulfilling. Still, comparing these lists is a way to evaluate whether or not you are making the most of your free time, and to see if you are missing out on opportunities where you could be engaged in activities and relationships with others.

While the Thanksgiving season is a great time to express gratitude, I encourage you to make caring for others a daily, year-round activity!

*Mood-boosting chemicals