Cats are better than dogs. There, I said it. I’ve heard this debate a thousand times, and today will finally put it to rest. Cat stans, if there’s anything I missed, leave a comment below.

To start, I must make a crucial clarification. If you were to ask me, “Which are cuter, cats or dogs?” I would say that they are equally adorable. It’s not as if cats are angels and dogs are these mangy, gross abominations. Dogs are really cute. I can’t speak for everyone, but I would venture that a lot of cat owners probably agree with this. The physical features of dogs aren’t the issue. The real problem with them is… well, basically everything else. 

Dog owners will claim that owning a dog isn’t that much work. This is a lie, at least compared to the responsibilities involved with owning a cat. We’ll get the low-hanging fruit out of the way: dog poop. Cats are civilized enough to be able to use the bathroom as a normal human would. Since dogs are mostly incapable of doing this, dog owners are forced to pick up all of the doggie diamonds scattered around their yards. On a related note, dog owners are forced to walk their dogs multiple times per day. I’ve heard that some people enjoy the exercise, but when I see dog owners walking their dogs in 40-degree weather on a Monday morning, they certainly don’t look all that happy. Another obvious problem with owning a dog is going on vacation. Want to get away for a few days? Have fun paying hundreds of dollars in fees for your dog to stay in a hotel. While some people avoid this by bringing their dog with them on vacation, doing that is extra work. Is it really a vacation if you have to worry about your pets the entire time?

No matter how cute a dog might be, there are certain qualities of dogs that can be instant turn-offs. First off, some dogs STINK. Dog owners must be neglecting to bathe their dogs and brush their teeth because some of these dogs are vile. Dogs licking people (“kisses,” as dog owners call it), is already disgusting as is, but when the dogs have bad breath, it’s taken to a whole new level. I’d much rather have an animal that’s obsessed with cleaning itself than one that’s constantly getting dirty and stinky. Second, dogs can be way too loud. There are chill dogs, and then there are the ones that bark all day for no reason. Plus, when one dog starts barking, every dog in the neighborhood goes crazy. It’s so annoying. Finally, and this might be the most important point in the entire article, some dogs are high-key aggressive. I’ve met some aggressive cats, don’t get me wrong. The difference is that they don’t go out of their way to attack you; they only lash out if you provoke them. Dogs, on the other hand, go berserk the moment they see you. I walk into my friend’s house and his dog hits me with the FBI Open Up meme. Dogs’ idea of a “friendly greeting” is literally jumping you. Also, is it just me, or are there way more stories about dog attacks than cat attacks? I’ve never seen a “Beware of Cat” sign before. Anecdotal evidence, but the point’s still valid.

A quick PSA to dog owners: NOBODY CARES WHAT BREED YOUR DOG IS! I swear every time someone sees a dog the first question they ask is “Awww, what breed is she?” The dog owner responds with something like, “Oh, she’s a german labraschmoodle doxie-mix”, and the other person sits there nodding along like they have any idea what the owner is talking about. You don’t see anyone asking, “What breed is your cat?” “What breed is your gerbil?”, or “What breed is your fish?”. Dog owners have conditioned the rest of society to care about this piece of pointless information. 

To conclude this article, I’ll dismantle the most ridiculous argument that dog owners will make to justify the aforementioned drawbacks of owning a dog. “Dogs have so much more personality,” they will claim, “Dogs are so loyal”. To dog owners out there that argue this, have you ever met a cat? Or, for that matter, another dog? Every animal has its own personality. There are friendly dogs. There are friendly cats. There are crazy dogs. There are crazy cats. There are loyal dogs. There are loyal cats. I’ll admit, some cats can be on the shyer side. They are creatures of habit, and can be skittish around people they aren’t used to. However, this isn’t something that bothers me. My cats are my pets, not attractions for me to show off to visitors. I don’t need them to do some lame tricks to impress guests. As long as my cats like me, I couldn’t care less if they hate everyone else. 

Do we still love our doggos? Of course. If you don’t think puppies are cute, there’s something wrong with you. When looking at the debate from an objective standpoint though, it is clear that cats are the better animals to own.